Erma: Here Come the Buzzards!

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

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Erma: Here Come the Buzzards!

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Massachusetts or Chevy?

Massachusetts elects a Republican who drives a truck with 200,000 miles on it. It’s a Chevy truck. Which is harder to believe? Massachusetts elects a Republican or Chevy makes a truck that can go 200,000 miles? - David Letterman

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Massachusetts or Chevy?

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Behind Every Successful Man.....

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. - Groucho

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Behind Every Successful Man.....

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Never Knows What to Get For Dad

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother. - Rita Rudner

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Never Knows What to Get For Dad

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Eating Rice Cakes

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. - Dave Barry

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Eating Rice Cakes

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Rodney.....

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney.....

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Don't Use Tarot Cards!

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

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Don't Use Tarot Cards!

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Harry Reid

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is under fire for discussing whether or not President Obama has a “negro dialect.” Reid is also in trouble for saying Joe Lieberman “talks all Moses-y.” - Conan O'Brien

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Harry Reid

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We have the best government that money can buy. - Mark Twain

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Least Popular Boy's Names for 2009

The most popular boys’ names in 2009 were Ethan, Noah, and Logan. The least popular boy name for 2009: Tiger Madoff Gosselin. - Jay Leno

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Least Popular Boy's Names for 2009

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Jail Over Relatives.....

A man in Sicily had himself arrested so he wouldn’t have to spend the holidays with his relatives. How many guys are going, “Why didn’t we think of that?” - Jay Leno

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Jail Over Relatives.....

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Joan Rivers Prevented From Entering Country

Joan Rivers is reportedly very angry because on Sunday she was prevented from entering the country by airline security. Man, you should have seen the face she wanted to make. - Conan O'Brien

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Joan Rivers Prevented From Entering Country

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Eighteen Years Behind

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. - Phyllis Diller

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Eighteen Years Behind

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Hitchcock-The Perfect Cure

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it. - Alfred Hitchcock

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Hitchcock-The Perfect Cure

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