Massachusetts elects a Republican who drives a truck with 200,000 miles on it. It’s a Chevy truck. Which is harder to believe? Massachusetts elects a Republican or Chevy makes a truck that can go 200,000 miles? - David Letterman
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother. - Rita Rudner
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is under fire for discussing whether or not President Obama has a “negro dialect.” Reid is also in trouble for saying Joe Lieberman “talks all Moses-y.”- Conan O'Brien
A man in Sicily had himself arrested so he wouldn’t have to spend the holidays with his relatives. How many guys are going, “Why didn’t we think of that?” - Jay Leno
Joan Rivers is reportedly very angry because on Sunday she was prevented from entering the country by airline security. Man, you should have seen the face she wanted to make. - Conan O'Brien